Money & Finances Random & Bizarre

How to Justify Purchasing a Paperweight

We’ve all been there. It’s a nice day so you open the window while you work at your desk, and–WHOOSH! A gust of wind blows a stack of papers all over the place. You mutter profanities as you crawl around on your hands and knees, trying in vain to sort them. You thought you could just take all of your important mail, newspaper clippings, tax forms, and purchase orders and just set it there on your desk and be okay, but you’ve learned the hard way that you can’t trust Mother Nature. This all could have been avoided if you’d have invested just a few measly pennies on some common office supplies: maybe a stapler, a few paperclips, or even the dreaded paperweight.

Seemingly as old as time itself, paperweights are one of those things that you never think you’ll need… until you need them. It’s true that just about anything that weighs more than 8 oz. and can fit on a desktop could be used as a paperweight. A rock, a trophy, a jar of candy, or an elk skull all make great paperweights, and oftentimes great conversation starters. Most actual paperweights are meant to be fun conversation starters anyway, so why not just use whatever you want?

There are only three legitimate reasons for actually spending money on a paperweight for yourself, and only one of them, #3, is a very good reason.

  1. You own nothing heavy enough to hold down paper and fit on a desk, and you can’t find anything lying around. No big rocks, no glass pop bottle, nothing. OK, go ahead and buy a paperweight.
  2. You have money that has to be spent on office supplies or you lose it. Maybe it’s December 29 and you have $943 left on an office supply budget that doesn’t roll over. Or you have $10 or less left on an Office Depot gift card and already own everything else in the entire store. You have closet upon closet of paperclips, thumb tacks, copy paper, and 3-ring binders. OK, go ahead and buy a paperweight.
  3. You want to look professional. You’ve got a very classy, expensive desk with leather-bound books and fountain pens. Using a Yankee candle as a paperweight looks very out-of-place. OK, go ahead and buy a paperweight.

In today’s modern society, paper is less common to begin with, as most business is conducted on computers. If you have loose papers flying around your office, you’re already in the minority. But, as we saw, there occasionally are reasons to shell out a few bucks for a paperweight.

What about you? Do you think you could justify spending money on something whose only purpose is to weigh something else down? Let us know in the comments!


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My Hot Take:
I don’t use paperweights because I don’t have much paper lying on my desk. But if I did, I would set a coffee mug on the papers to keep them in place.

tl;dr
You don’t need a paperweight.

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