Bobby woke up with a skull-shattering hangover. “Ugggh, my head!” he moaned as he rolled over and opened his eyes, realizing he was lying in a pool of his own vomit. He took a look across the house. Beer cans were strewn about the house. Pizza slices were stuck to the ceiling fan. A random stray cat was lapping milk out of a carton that for some reason was sitting in the wide open entry way.
The party of the century had just gone down, and from what Bobby could remember, it was pretty epic. He went to the kitchen to get a garbage bag to start picking up. When he opened the cabinet door, he was shocked to find his buddy Roscoe sleeping under the sink. “Roscoe, wake up!” Bobby called. “We’ve got to get this place cleaned up, man. My grandma is going to be home in two hours and she doesn’t even know I have a key to her house, let alone had a party here!”
The two rummaged through the house, wiping down every surface and collecting all the beer cans and garbage they could find. Just as the two were finishing up, Grandma pulled into the driveway. “Oh no, she’s here!” cried Roscoe. The two leaped off her back porch and tumbled into the grass, then sprinted down the street with their garbage bags in tow. The only trace of a party Grandma ever found of a party was a pair of mysterious panties in her vegetable crisper, but she chalked that one up to senility and let it be.
“Now what do we do with all these beer cans, dude?” Roscoe asked.
- The answer should be obvious: recycle them, dude!
- If your city doesn’t recycle aluminum cans, you could load up a mail truck and drive them somewhere that does, like in Seinfeld.
- Donate them to a school or charity. Many schools have can bins set up to help earn money for various programs.
- Give them to a bum or homeless person who will in turn recycle them.
- Throwing them away can be harmful to the environment, but the trash is the third most sensible solution after recycling and donating.
- Keep one of each unique beer can you drink and start a collection in your garage or basement.
- You could fill them all up with sand and use them as weights to hold down a tarp or something.
- Aluminum cans can be used to boost wifi signal or TV reception.
- Cut the tops off and use the rest of the can for a storage container!
- Cut the tops off and use the rest of the can as an adorable planter!
- Cut the top and bottom off the can and unroll the rest of it to form a flat sheet of aluminum for god knows what. But I’m sure you can think of something.
- Need more inspiration? Old cans can be used in a wide variety of other arts and crafts. Just see this amazing collection of projects!
- Some pot fanatics have fashioned bongs out of old beer cans. Don’t ask us how! That’s too technical for this blog.
- If you’re a hoarder, this would take up a lot of valuable empty space in your house.
- The worst thing you should do is litter, but if it feels right in the moment to dump these in a lake or in a nature preserve, you do you.
In the end, the guys were scared off by a bear and left the bags of cans sitting on the street, so they weren’t sure whatever became of them. Too bad!
My Hot Take:
I’d recycle them. I always do.
Recycle or donate your old beer cans unless you’re very crafty.