An achy foot is no picnic, but finding someone to give you a foot massage can be equally painful

People’s feet tend to get sore over the course of a day due to standing, walking, or even just being squished in shoes for many hours. Whatever the reason, a good foot rub can alleviate the foot pain and be an enjoyable experience. How does one go about getting a foot massage?

Get the massage already!

Deb collapsed onto the couch next to her husband Louie after a long day of work, cooking dinner, doing dishes, putting the kids to bed, and giving her elderly mother an enema. “What a day,” she sighed as she kicked her feet up on the couch. She rubbed her swollen left foot. “Oof, the dogs are really barking tonight.” While she didn’t outright ask, she made certain to look in Louie’s direction when talking about her feet. Louie, however, didn’t budge.

“My feet are very uncomfortable right now,” Deb continued, in a much louder tone. Louie heard, but pretended he didn’t. Louie didn’t exactly have the easiest of days either, and he really relished this one hour of TV time before hitting the sack. Rubbing his wife’s clammy feet wasn’t high on his list of fun things to do.

Deb prodded at her own feet for a while, but it just wasn’t the same as having someone else do it for her. “Please, babe, rub my footsies?” Deb said in her cutesiest voice, blinking her eyelashes at Louie. “Ugh, my hands are really sore, maybe tomorrow,” Louie said.

Well now what?! How is Deb ever going to get her feet massaged?

All of the ways to get that elusive foot massage

• Deb already checked a few items off the list. She tried massaging her own feet. Technically it worked well, and she didn’t have to attempt to verbalize the instructions to anyone, but she really wanted a few minutes of pampering. In a pinch, this could do.
• She also hinted both passively and strongly that she needed her feet rubbed in hopes that her husband would get the clue and volunteer for the task. Sometimes that may work. Other times, you may have to step it up a notch.
• Lastly, Deb outright asked for her feet to be rubbed, even adding a little charm. If the person couldn’t pick up on the hint, simply asking them is another approach.
• Deb stopped short of demanding her feet be rubbed. “Shut off the damn Dateline and rub my feet, Louie,” she could have said. “We all know the husband killed her. He hasn’t been interviewed yet so he’s obviously in jail.”
• If a spouse or significant other can’t be persuaded, see what other people in the house may be willing. A child can’t give a great massage, but it’s possibly better than nothing, and they could easily be bribed with candy or staying up a little later.
• Rubbing her foot with some sort of special ball or roller could theoretically feel good and relieve some discomfort.
• Using a foot bath, complete with jets and hot water would undoubtedly feel great. Louie should keep that in mind for a future gift.
• Best yet, buy a high-end electric shiatsu foot massager. You may not need Louie at all anymore!
• Booking a professional foot massage for a future date would be a surefire way to get the absolute best massage possible. It will require paying a fee, going to a storefront, and of course waiting for an opening, but you will be satisfied.
• Lots of men (and women) have sexual fetishes centered around the foot. Post a message on your community’s social media page and you’re bound to have a few volunteers. With that may come some unwanted sexualization of your sore feet, but you need to weigh whether or not you can live with that.
• None of these options tickle your fancy? Get creative! Look around the house for something that might make your feet feel better, from an ice bath to having your dog lick peanut butter off your feet. As long as no one is getting hurt and all parties involved are into it, what shame is there?

Once your feet have been rubbed, prodded, poked, and massaged, the relief you feel will be unmatched. If you experience frequent foot pain, it may be a good idea to have a few backup plans on hand for the times you can’t find a willing massage-giver on the spot.

My Hot Take

I have unusually sensitive, ticklish feet, so I tend to shy away from receiving foot massages. However, I am frequently asked by my wife to give her a foot rub, to which I’m only moderately receptive. It takes a lot of work, and she always asks for them so late at night when I’m already sleepy!