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Arts & Entertainment

How to Know If You’re a Celebrity

have you reached celebrity status

Knowing whether or not you’re a celebrity should be obvious—the fame, the riches, the glory. But how can you be sure you’ve reached celebrity status?

Perhaps you recently had a major book published. Maybe your band is starting to book a few more gigs around town. Or you might even have been in the news for saving someone’s life! If you’re asking yourself whether or not you’ve reached celebrity status, you must first take many factors into consideration.

Celebrities tend to not lead normal lives. After achieving fame for works in music, acting, sports, politics, heroics, or other means, these people become larger than life. With a recognizable face, a quick run to the corner store for a handle of vodka likely means posing for pictures with eager fans. While this may sound fun to the 99.9% of people who fail to qualify as celebrities, many have attested that the attention gets old rather quickly.

A general rule of thumb regarding celebrity status is this: if you walk into a room full of strangers and over 20% recognize you, well, you’re a celebrity. Get used to your new lifestyle!

What other metrics can be used to determine whether or not you’re a celebrity?

  • When you state your name, and someone pauses and asks whether you’re the famous person by that name, that means you’re a celebrity.
  • Do you often have people sneaking pictures of you when you’re running errands or eating in a restaurant? That’s dead giveaway celebrity status, although you could just have a piece of chicken stuck in your hair or something.
  • When you search for your name on Google, does it show a news articles about you from a source such as People magazine, or TMZ? If so, you might be a celebrity.
  • Do you have trouble paying your bills? If so, sorry, you aren’t a celebrity. At least not for long, because that goes hand in hand with having money to burn.
  • Have people from your past suddenly crawled out of the woodwork? Guess what—they want a piece of the spotlight. You’re a celeb, my friend.
  • Have any companies approached you about becoming a spokesperson for their product or service? They wouldn’t ask you just because you’re so damn nice; you must be famous!
  • Do you have to pay for drinks when you go out? If so, no one recognizes you, and you aren’t yet a celebrity. Everyone wants to be the guy who bought Tiger Woods a beer, not the guy who bought Joe Whatsthefuck a beer.
  • Has anyone asked you lately “who” you’re wearing, not “what”? Only celebrities would be asked such a thing.
  • Does anyone make a living impersonating you, or pretending to be you at parties? If so, you’re definitely a celebrity.
  • Is someone you barely know currently trying to sue you, or accuse you of a sex crime? It’s not a dead giveaway, but it tips the scale in favor of you being a celebrity.
  • Have you recently walked on a red carpet? They don’t roll that shit out for nobodies!
  • Do you open your own mail? Celebrities don’t go through their own fan mail—agencies, assistants, and personal managers do that, silly!
  • Of course, the most telling thing is having to give autographs or pose for pictures on a very regular basis.

Being a celebrity is different than having a small but loyal cult following. Being easily recognizable by any random segment of the population makes you a celebrity. Still not sure? Go to the mall and walk around for a few minutes. Did anyone come up to you for a picture? You should have your answer.

My Hot Take

Writing and podcasting for How To Do That has most definitely not elevated me to celebrity status. It’s been years since a stranger has asked to take a picture with me, and even then it was just because they thought I slightly resembled Jack Black.

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