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Holiday Society & Culture

How to Keep Your Birthdate a Secret from Others

hide your birthdate

Most enjoy birthday greetings; others would prefer to forego such nonsense

For most people, a birthday is a time of celebration. From children to adults to senior citizens, it’s a great time to sit back and bask in birthday greetings, gifts, and parties. While most adults don’t go around screaming “It’s my birthday!” to anyone who will listen, it is fair to suggest that most people also don’t actively attempt to hide their birthday from others either. There are plenty of people who do, however, go to great lengths to keep their birthday private and from being celebrated; What about you: would you ever try to hide your birthdate?

Why hide your birthdate? What can be gained from such lunacy?

Before you rush to judgment, there are many reasons why a person wouldn’t want their birthday to be known, including the following:

  • The vast majority of birthday deniers are people who don’t like attention. Very introverted people feel uncomfortable being the center of attention.
  • Even some extroverts feel uncomfortable or embarrassed being sung to. Very few people enjoy being surrounded by others who are singing a song directed towards them. Where are you supposed to look? It’s so awkward!
  • For many, a birthday may bring up bad childhood memories, perhaps of a bloody birthday beating, or a traumatic fire started by birthday candles.
  • Many have security and identity theft concerns. Once the birthday is out there, then what—social security numbers?
  • Some are so worried that their birthday will be forgotten that they’d prefer it not even be known; if no one knows the birthday, it can’t be forgotten!
  • Others find birthdays a grim reminder that their time on earth is quickly ticking away.
  • Some share birthdays with days of mourning, such as 9/11 or the anniversary of the death of a loved one.
  • Many are bad at accepting gifts and showing gratitude and would prefer to just avoid the situation altogether.
  • Relatedly, some feel that receiving a gift means that they must now pay back the gift-giver on their birthday with a gift.
  • In strange instances, people can be afraid of things that come along with birthdays such as clowns or party hats.
  • Others simply may not know their true birthdays!

Whatever the reason, there are simply many individuals that would prefer that information be kept as private as possible, and any birthday celebration to be extremely intimate amongst only the closest of family.

How can you hide your birthdate or keep it a total secret from everyone?

Simply put, never mention it. You could work in an office for ten years and it might never dawn on anyone that your birthday had never been celebrated. Not talking about your birthday is a great start, but there are many other methods to consider when taking active approaches to hiding your birthdate.

  • Let those who do know your birthday not to tell anyone else. Letting Mom, Dad, brother, and sister know that you want to hide your birthdate will keep them from blabbing if some meddlesome co-worker comes around trying to squeeze the info out of them.
  • Don’t publish your birthday on social media, especially Facebook. If a close family member or friend wishes you a happy birthday on social media, quickly delete the post before anyone else takes note.
  • Keep any birthday celebrations small and out of the eye of the public. All it takes is one fellow parishioner to yap to the whole church that they saw you at TGIFriday’s with the staff singing Happy Birthday and rattling forks in cups while you snarfed down a free brownie sundae.
  • Avoid showing any forms of identification that state your birthdate, especially drivers license. You forget your wallet on your desk while you take a poop, and some nosy Nellie will take a gander.
  • Avoid speaking on the phone with a doctor in public. You’ll most likely be asked over the phone to verify your birthdate.
  • Tell HR or Payroll or others in the office who may require your birthday for payroll or benefit purposes to please never disclose your birthdate to others. It’s best to request this in writing so there is documentation. Some HR teams may add you to a public birthday calendar or surprise you with a cake on your birthday in front of the whole office.
  • Tell a fake (or maybe it’s true?) sob story about why you need to hide your birthdate. Tell your co-workers your dog died in a hot car on your birthday and it brings up bad memories and doesn’t feel right to celebrate.
  • Simply tell your friends your disdain for birthday celebrations and your desire for a total lack of birthday fanfare. Your friends should respect your earnest wishes.
  • If absolutely pressed into disclosing your birthday, lie.

My Hot Take

The above does not remotely pertain to me. My birthday is August 23. I begin reminding people of this beginning around August 12 or so. While I don’t relish being sung to, and I don’t want presents from everyone, I do enjoy acknowledgement and well-wishes. I had a former co-worker who adamantly refused to disclose his birthday, and while I respected his wishes and didn’t pry, I believe others in the office went to some great lengths to find out.

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About Glanzer

A native of Carpenter, South Dakota, I work professionally as a digital marketer. My favorites include karaoke, cocktails, the Minnesota Twins, and of course blogging. I strive to one day own a small town bar.

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