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Holiday Random & Bizarre

How to Stay Safe on Friday the 13th

Superstitious people consider Friday the 13th a very unlucky day, dating back to the days of Jesus Christ and The Last Supper. There, 13 individuals were present, and Jesus died the next day–a Friday! Millions of Americans are so overcome and paralyzed with fear on this particular day that they change up their normal routines so as to avoid catastrophic mishaps, accidents, and injuries. Despite so many fearing the day, there is little evidence to support that more horrific things happen on Friday the 13th than any other day/date combo.

Nevertheless, if you are superstitious about the day, there are many steps you can take to ensure you avoid grave misfortune!

  • Avoid anything dangerous, like firing a gun, going outside on a 35th story balcony, picking up infected needles, or dancing with wolves.
  • Avoid driving. A car accident is the most likely way Friday the 13th will haunt you, and since you’re clearly already on edge, you’re unfit to operate an automobile.
  • Be extra cautious as a pedestrian and bicyclist. Even if the street sign says “walk”, you’ll want to really examine traffic to make sure drivers aren’t blowing through lights. Get across the street as quickly as possible.
  • Always examine your surroundings. Check behind you, above you, and to your sides constantly to ensure there are no anvils teetering wobbly on a rooftop or blood-thirsty hyenas nearby.
  • Eat less dangerous foods. Avoid anything that could cause you to choke, and anything with a hard expiration date. If possible, stick to ice cream the whole day.
  • Avoid very hot items like coffee pots, irons, and open flames. Starting on fire, or even just getting burned, is painful and potentially deadly.
  • Stay out of tight spots. You don’t want to get stuck anywhere, like a dryer, dumbwaiter, or chimney.
  • If you have a sick day or vacation day to use, use it. Staying home on Friday the 13th is not only safer, but gives you a relaxing 3-day weekend (if you have a standard Monday-Friday job).
    • If possible, stay in bed the whole day, getting up only for bathroom use and safe foods and water. But be sure to constantly check under your covers for dangers!
  • Go online if you must, but don’t provoke strangers on social forums. Online bickering can lead to someone tracking you down and hitting you across the teeth with a crowbar.
  • Consider turning off the main power in your home. The last thing you need is an AM radio falling into the bathtub, or a malfunctioning toaster giving off sparks, setting the house ablaze.
  • Give in to others’ demands. If someone demands you pay them back for last week’s lunch, just fork over the cash. Again, you don’t want to provoke anyone for any reason! Your own mother could turn against you on Friday the 13th!
  • Don’t watch anything remotely scary. Choosing to watch the Friday the 13th movie series is only adding fuel to the fire. If you were paranoid before, you could drive yourself certifiably mad with horror tales stuck in your head.
  • Avoid anything pointy, including safety pins, porcupines, and nails. Just your luck, you’ll poke yourself and start bleeding and then that will get infected.
  • When you use the toilet, carefully examine it to ensure there are no roaches, mice, or snakes hiding in the bowl to scurry up your keister the second you sit down!
  • If you’re hiding a deep, dark, or disturbing secret, put it fully out of mind. The last thing you want to do is inadvertently blurt out to your neighbor that you have his missing dog’s corpse in your freezer.

If you can follow most of these steps on Friday the 13th, you’re certain to avoid catastrophe and live to tell about it on Saturday the 14th!

What about you? How do you ensure nothing bad occurs on Friday the 13th? Share it in the comments!


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My Hot Take:
I am not personally superstitious of Friday the 13th, but I would probably avoid seeing a scary movie late at night on that day, just to keep my mind at ease.

tl;dr
Bad things could happen on Friday the 13th, so be extra cautious all day long in whatever you do.

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1 comment on “How to Stay Safe on Friday the 13th

  1. The reminder to check what may be in the toilet is always sound advice.

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