Random & Bizarre

How to Run with Scissors

We’ve all been there before. “Joan! Get your ass over here. We need to cut this banner down, pronto!” You’re the one with the scissors, and someone needs them urgently. You take off in a dead sprint, hurdling office chairs, when you slip and the sharp end of the scissors goes straight into your pupil. The ambulance can’t get to you fast enough. You’ve lost your left eye for life and now have to walk around with a creepy glass eye. You make extra cash on the side by hosting assemblies at elementary schools, warning kids of the dangers of school supplies.

Okay. We haven’t all been there before. But we have all been warned about it countless times because of a few dummies decades ago. Why is it such a frequent occurrence for someone to be carrying a pair of scissors and suddenly feeling the need to take off running with them in hand?

Whether you’re helping build a homecoming float and sharing one scissors amongst dozens of people, participating in a frenzied group Christmas gift wrapping, or cutting the hair of a family member when you realize you left something on the stove, there are countless reasons why you might have scissors in hand and take off running.

If you simply cannot avoid such situations, the least you can do is take the proper precautions.

  • If you must run with scissors, run with them in the closed position. In the event that you fall and stab yourself, you’ll receive one larger puncture instead of two smaller ones, which technically is better.
  • Run with the sharp part of the scissors in your fist. A scissor handle in the eye is no picnic either, but it’s less likely you’ll poke a hole through it.
  • Look where you’re running. Carefully observe any obstacles that could cause you to trip.
  • Do you have anywhere else you could place the scissors other than your hand, like a backpack or lunchbox? Putting scissors in your pocket is not a great alternative. You could fall and the scissors could puncture a major artery. Likewise, scissors in a fanny pack could puncture your stomach or liver, and scissors in your waistband could dismember or wound your genitals.
  • If you’re running to hand your scissors off to another person, see if they can run in the opposite direction and meet you halfway. The one caveat, of course, is if the scissors are acting as a baton in a relay race.
  • Make yourself visible and audible while running. Consider wearing a neon vest, and be sure to call out “Out of my way! Scissors in hand!”
  • Consider holding the scissors in your less dominant hand. If you do most things right-handed, hold them in your left. This way, if you fall and the scissors cut the inside of your hand, it will be the hand that matters least.
  • The flip side of that argument, naturally, is that you’ll be less comfortable holding the scissors in that particular hand, and more likely to drop the scissors.
  • If you drop the scissors while running, come to a complete stop and carefully pick them up. Do not attempt to reach down and grab them mid-stride.
  • If you ignore all of these tips and are still running with scissors in the dangerous position and you do fall down, there is still time to save yourself from dire injury. While falling, attempt to toss the scissors to the side, or at the very least, be aware enough to turn them inward so you land on the flat, broad side of the scissors.
  • Above all, do not run with scissors if you are around children. You don’t want them to see you and think this is appropriate behavior. Nor do you want to inflict injury to any child due to your extreme negligence.
  • If you are caught running with scissors and disciplined by an authority figure, do your best to keep composed and explain why it was necessary to do so. Point to this blog post as a last resort, if you must.

Now that you know how to do it, don’t do it.


Scissors To Run With


My Hot Take:
Of course I’ve run with scissors and been warned not to. I’ve also run with knives, pencils, and toothpicks. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen while doing so, but that’s only because I’ve followed my own rules seen above!

tl;dr
If running with a pair of scissors in hand cannot be avoided, take proper precautions and try not to stab yourself.

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