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Holiday Home & Garden

How to Pass Off Real Messes and Crimes for Halloween Decor

We see it all the time: people’s yard are strewn with cobwebs, skeletons, and pumpkins each October. For one month each year, it’s suddenly acceptable—if not outright encouraged—to treat your yard like a 19th-century cemetery or local dump.

While some neighbors will put out giant inflatable pirate Minions in their yard, others take things a step further and intend to truly scare the neighbors with bloody dolls hanging from treetops, scattered bones half-exposed coming out of the dirt, and tarantula-sized spider webs covering trees and windows.

It seems there’s not even a fine line between what is acceptable and what is just downright wrong. If it could potentially scare, disgust, or perturb someone, it seems more and more like it qualifies as decor. So who’s to say what qualifies as tasteful Halloween decorations, and what is an actual pile of junk in your yard? One man’s garbage is another man’s idea of spooky holiday fun!

Here are some ways that you can take your junk, throw it out on the front lawn, and pass it off as unobtrusive adornments. (Total thesaurus.com cheat there.)

  • If pumpkins and gourds are acceptable, who’s to say that watermelon rinds and piles of old potatoes aren’t? Not all of us can afford to buy gourmet squash, after all. Toss it on the lawn, get a good pile of devilish horseflies buzzing around them, and you’ve got yourself a real scary scene for kids of all ages!
  • Skeletons at craft stores cost a bundle and can be a real struggle to hang up. When fake bones cost such a pretty penny, why not use real bones? Dollars to donuts, if you have a real skeleton in your possession, now is the time to display it in your yard and get away your heinous crime. When it’s time to throw it out, the garbagemen won’t think twice about dumping it and hauling it away! (Note: we do not condone murder of any kind here.)
  • Ghost decorations are nothing but a sheet with some sort of head stuffing dangling from a tree. Say you bled all over your bedsheets for one reason or another and are ashamed to have them spotted in your trash; just save them until Halloween and make a ghoulish ghost out of it!
  • If a giant inflatable Dracula popping out of a coffin is considered tasteful during Halloween season, now would be the time to one-up your neighbors and make some extra cash on the side by selling out burial plots in your yard! To your neighbors it’s a great show, but to you it’s kind of a horrifying $150 to blow on booze for your Halloween party.
  • Use your imagination! Really just about any sort of eyesore you have lying around and hope to illegally dispose of can pass as Halloween decor. Been meaning to throw out old fluorescent lights, batteries, or uranium? Just toss them in the front lawn! You’ve got a great conversation starter for you and your neighbors.

What do you have lying around that you need to dispose of that you wouldn’t otherwise feel comfortable having others see? Share in the comments!


For Those Without Actual Skeletons to Use as Decor…


My Hot Take:
I’ve personally always wondered about this. Some Halloween displays are really realistic, and draw “ooohs and ahhhs” from people when in reality it could be real human remains. It wouldn’t take much for a John Gacy type of psychopath to dispose of some remains at this time and not only get away with it scot-free, but to be lauded for it in the process.

tl;dr
If you want to decorate for Halloween and get away with potential criminal evidence, this is the one time you can probably get away with it.

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