A lot of men feel weird about coordinating group photos in common situations

We get it—your average grown man doesn’t want to be seen as a “sissy boy” who values and cherishes sentimental moments with other dudes. But secretly, deep down, some men really want to take a group selfie with their bro friends.

Standing next to your buddy at the urinal? That’s no problem. Complimenting your bro friend on his rad new bandana? Not worth a second thought. But to ask your pals to huddle together and snap a selfie, or have someone capture a group photo of you? Total wuss move!

Phil was too timid to just ask his guy friends to pose for a group pic

Phil was out for drinks with the bros from the gym. The gang had all bonded over the course of their workouts over the past few months, and it was a rare occasion to have all five of the guys out together, what with major life events like kids getting in the way. Laughs were shared over buckets of beers, and around 11 the guys were nearly ready to call it a night.

Before everyone split, Phil secretly wanted everyone to lean in so he could snap a group selfie. He didn’t want to admit it to the other guys, but this moment felt special to him and he wanted a picture to remember the night. There was something about a bunch of dudes squeezing in together for a selfie, though, that seemed wildly out-of-character for this group. Perhaps uncomfortable with his sexuality, Phil was struggling to muster the courage to ask the guys to pose with him.

How can Phil present his photo request to the guys while maintaining his “I’m a buff gym man with sweet tats who drives a jacked-up truck and I have no sentimental side” image?

• Just take the picture when no one is looking. So what if no one’s looking at the camera? This way is more authentic anyway.
• Do it super nonchalantly and barely give anyone notice. Just lean in with the camera, and say “Selfie!” Instinctively, most people will just lean in for the picture and ask questions later.
• Make the focus be something in the background. “Let’s us chums all get together and get a shot with this funny bar sign in the background. ‘It’s Beer Thirty’, ha ha. That is so us.”
• State that you’re sending the picture to another friend not present to make him jealous of your awesome outing. “Hey guys, let’s get a quick pic to send to Boris and give him shit for not coming out!”
• Tell the gang the picture is intended to be sent to a woman or group of women. “Hey guys, lean in for a quick selfie. This totally stacked chick at the bar from earlier was totally into us. She wants us to send her a group pic.”
• State that you need proof of your whereabouts. “Hey, lean in for a quick pic, guys. Deb is convinced I’m out having an affair tonight. I’ve gotta show her it’s just the guys at the bar.”
• Claim the picture is for some sort of social media contest. “Hey, everybody lean in. I’m Tweeting this to Coors Lite for their Bro contest. Gonna win me that jet ski!”
• Claim the purpose of the picture is to fool a hot chick in the background into believing you’re taking a selfie, but really you’re just getting a picture of her. “Oh, hey guys, let’s get a quick selfie. But stand clear—really I just want an excuse to get a pic of that beauty in the background.”
• State that you’ve actually been searching for a stock photo almost exactly like this for some sort of project. “Oh, shit, before I forget. I need a group pic of us for a PowerPoint at work. Just something that shows some dudes all hanging out and being awesome. I can’t find the right stock photo online.”
• Have someone else join in the picture—perhaps the bartender could do. Claim the picture is more about your group saluting her great job bartending. “Hey guys, let’s get together with our awesome bartender Jill for a photo!”
• In a desperate moment, claim you’re simply testing a function or feature of your phone’s camera. “Oh hey, let’s get a quick group pic. The latest firmware update is supposed to, like, animate us or some shit.”
• Just make sure everyone is holding alcohol in the picture. Perhaps even buy everyone a shot. Posing with booze ensures that anyone who casts some sort of ill spirit towards your photo will see that you were intoxicated at the time.
• If all else fails, just bribe a couple women to stand in the photo with you. Not only will the bros want to be seen out at the bar with ladies, but you could even say it was the women’s idea.

Or, you know, you could just tell everyone you want to get a picture together. Chances are, a couple others in the group also would like a picture, but no one wants to be the guy to bring it up.

Many guys don’t have an issue with coordinating, posing, or taking a group photo of themselves with other guys. With social media showcasing everyone’s highlights, fun times, and best lives, it shouldn’t be that taboo of a subject to broach.

My Hot Take

I actually feel this way, which is why I wrote this blog post! If there are women in the photo, I wouldn’t give it a second thought! But the idea of asking a group of dudes to get together for a picture just feels weird to me, unless it is to commemorate a significant event like a wedding, trip, or attendance at a sporting event. To ask a bunch of guys to pose for a picture is almost a non-verbal way of saying “I really like you guys, and I cherish the time we’ve spent together. I want to look back on this occasion fondly.” And dudes, unless wildly drunk, don’t normally make a habit of sharing mushy feelings like that. I have foregone quite a few photos over the years due to this.